Four Dreams

Dream One
My father died recently.  In the dream, I meet my father coming up the road from the Nursing Home where he died.  He is vexed as he looks in his pocket for his wallet, in order to pay for coffees, (as we are about to go into a cafe) but finds he has no money.  I'm not surprised, as he hasn't handled money for quite a while, and slip him a ten pound note.  Then it's my turn to be vexed.  He has no shoes, and is hoping to collect them from home.  My mother and I had just been discussing how to dispose of his shoes, as of course he has no need of them any more.  How can I now explain this to my father?


Dream Two
My father appears, and we joyfully greet each other, hug and kiss.  He smells good - fresh laundered shirt.  I'm so very, very happy to see him, although I know that he is dead.  He is cheerful, and it's so extremely comforting that he is here.


Dream Three
I'm at a shop, at a desk, trying out new computer equipment.  Behind me is my daughter and my father.  I turn to appologise, as I feel I will be a while getting to grips with the technology.  My daughter is still and silent, seated with her laptop on her knees, its white glow enveloping her in the surrounding darkness.  My father smiles and lowers himself onto a settee, and says that's fine, as he'll be busy too - his way of saying that he'll just take a nap while he waits.


Dream Four
Its late at night, and I'm locking all the doors in my childhood home.  The cellar door won't lock - it leaves the house vulnerable to something that might enter while we sleep, and I'm slightly concerned.  I turn to see my father in the lobby.  How did he get in?   Did he slip up from the cellar?  There's the potential for a scary moment, as I also think that he might have slid in through the walls, but actually I'm not frightened.  We greet each other cheerfully - again the smell of his freshly laundered shirt.  I go before him down the corridor and up the staircase, calling to my sister and mother that my father is here.  They both need time with him too.

Dream Five (February 2013 : many months later)
Papa is in white - a white suit with white bow tie.  It's some event - a wedding?  Other people are dressed up too, but none in white - none so glamorous as my father!  He climbs up onto a chair to see better.  He looks well, not so elderly.
I don't smell his fresh-laundered smell - I think I'm slightly further away from him, more a witness to what he is doing.  I don't remember him acknowledging me - maybe he didn't see me.